TromboneChat

I'll try and be brief. I'm pushing 67 and have been playing since sixth grade. Had a great teacher, went to a conservatory for a year until I decided I was not cut out to be a pro. Since then have played in college band, a few amateur pit bands, a pretty good community orchestra, community bands and big bands to numerous to mention (I used to move a lot), and a few brass ensembles. Lately I've been alternating one night a week rehearsing with a community band and a big band. I never want to practice, I don't want to go to rehearsals, I don't want to play gigs. I used to be an avid sailor and sold my boat and never regretted it. I have had a series of muscle cars, sold the last one a few years go and don't regret it. How do you know when it's time to pack it in and sell off my arsenal of trombones?

What are you going to do? You’ve sold the boat, the cars, and now the bones? Do you have something else that keeps you active and socially engaged?

I’d be inclined to cut back and concentrate on the one or two things that give me the most pleasure (and least aggravation).

I recently played a big band gig that turned out to be more fun than I’ve had for ages. I definitely could use a few more of those.

I guess if playing trombone is no longer fun, you need to move on. Find something else you like and do it. I had a trombone colleague who went big time into woodworking.

Just don't sell everything and start to veg. That's when you really go downhill.

Kingfan wrote: ↑Sun Jul 14, 2024 2:45 pmI never want to practice, I don't want to go to rehearsals, I don't want to play gigs.

Have you asked yourself why you don't want to practice, rehearse, or play gigs? If you don't know the answer, you should try to find it before you do something you'll regret.

I’d say that’s hard to say…maybe don’t think about how you would feel in the short term…but how do you think you’ll feel a year from now without playing?

Also, another way to look at it, if for some reason or another you were told you couldn’t ever play again…would you miss it then? If so, maybe a break is not bad, but if you know that you would feel sad if you couldn’t ever pick up the horn again, then I don’t think it would be time yet.

If you fell alright about never being able to play again…then maybe it is time.

I think my wife has given me some of the best advice when it comes to these types of decisions…

Think it through, and don’t choose a permanent solution for a possible temporary problem…

Wow Greg,

Just the opposite of me. Not formally trained as a trombonist, but I learned and played (sometimes professionally) beginnng in 7th grade (many decades ago!). Shortly after university and graduate school, I started a family and demanding career. Trombone went into the closet. When I retired ~8 years ago, I re-discovered the trombone, and (they) have taken over my life with a vengeance. I've acquired several "vintage" trombones (which play like a dream), joined multiple ensembles, and now play several days/week (various styles, different trombones). It's not only a joy to be playing again, I've met some wonderful friends, learned a lot about music in general, and trombones in particular (thank you, TromboneChat), and found new joy in my life. I'm still otherwise busy, and am a procrastinator, so I find little time for practice (but I'm not so much trying to improve as to maintain), but I stay in shape playing with others. My wife is delighted that I've found something to keep me busy and my mind stimulated. If I didn't have the trombone, I guess (like Bruce's friend) I'd clear out my garage, set up my equipment, and start woodworking.

I hope you'll rediscover the spark, Greg. Best wishes!

Maybe more than the music or the trombones or things like that are the people. If you give up trombone, what people will you no longer see? Won't you miss them?

Maybe instead of quitting, just change gears. Organize a new group. My quartet had a guy who was 86 and still played great right up until he eventually passed. We have an 81 y/o, a 77 y/o a 64 y/o and me, a 58 y/o punk ass kid. And we don't sound bad, most of all we have fun doing it. We schedule public concerts now and then and invite friends, play at nursing homes, churches, in parks for fun, etc... Think of it as a public service.

I hate to see people stop playing, because that says the same might happen to me some day.

Agree with finding something else if you’re gonna hang up music. I’ve seen too many retire, do very little physically, and before you know it the groundhogs are delivering your mail. Pushing 71 myself, still playing my horns with no plans of hanging them up. December of 20 and Jan of 21 I had my knees replaced, feel 30 years younger and have no desire to slow down musically or tending to the farm.(Small farm, one person asked if it was a “Gentleman’s farm”, my wife quickly responded “He’s no gentleman!”)

Thanks for all the feedback. Please keep it coming!

The big band I play in had a bar gig last week and was in a ten band big band blowout today. I don't feel cheated or like I missed anything at all, no regrets for asking weeks ago for a sub. I had already decided to not re-join the community band when they start again in the fall.

It is okay to take a break. If it is a permanent break, so be it. Decisions that allow for flexibility are generally better than decisions that are rigid. If the trombones don't take up too much space and you don't need the money, it does not cost anything to clean them up and store them. Trombones seem to be going up. It might cost more to reacquire them down the road, and there could be a wait. If something pops up that you want to do, acquiring a horn won't be an obstacle. Cars and boats are a little different. When I retired I was playing 5 or more days a week. 5 years later, I am having to slow down.

I sold my 42B during my first marriage to Virginia Woolf, when music and all other outside activities were prohibited. When that marriage failed, I was able to acquire a used LT42G and a new Yamaha YSL-653, worth the money, on the fly. They were a much better fit for me. I got lucky. Even though it worked out, I felt like I was using up my favors with a Higher Power at too fast a rate. Now I probably would not go below my 2B, 79H, LT42G, and Duo-Gravis, or equivalent, no matter what. The LT42G is less practical, but I love the sound it makes. My second wife, who passed away July 21, 2014, was much more supportive of playing. Today I actively pursue staying physically and mentally active, and socially networked.

Best Wishes,

Don't do things you don't enjoy or don't want to. Stick with other things (or find other things) that you do like and want to do. It's time to pack it in when you decide to pack it in because it's feeling more unpleasant than pleasant, more like some kind of obligation than a choice. Problem solved. But surely you already really know that.

OneTon wrote: ↑Sun Jul 14, 2024 7:58 pm If the trombones don't take up too much space and you don't need the money, it does not cost anything to clean them up and store them.

This was my thought. I think taking an indefinite break from all of the groups you play with is probably a good idea based on what you're saying, but I would wait to sell the horns. Quit the groups and give it a few months of not playing at all, and if you still don't have any desire to get a trombone out to play by then you might as well sell them off. Personally, I would still keep one trombone in the back of a closet just in case you change your mind years from now.

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...Personally, I would still keep one trombone in the back of a closet just in case you change your mind years from now.
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My first decent horn was my King 4B-F back in 1972. My teacher helped King by testing experimental horns. He was able to get the horn designer to take several slides and bell sections off the assembly line and let me pick the best combo at his workshop in the factory. No matter what I decide, keep playing or hang it up, that horn will stay with me.

Some great comments from everyone. The messages that leap out to me:
Identify specifically what is happening to make you want to stop. I suggest you then think about what would have to be happening, even in an ideal situation, to propel you to keep playing. Think about how you might create/access those conditions.
Don’t make permanent solutions to what might be a temporary issue. You seem to have that covered by holding on to your 4B. I have one too and understand why you’d retain it.
Best wishes on your next steps.

Do what you are moved to do.

I stopped playing one day, and sold all my instruments the very next day. Didn't miss it at all. 30 years went by. Now I regret both stopping and selling my instruments.

Every time I've stopped playing for a while -- whether a couple of years or a couple of decades -- I've regretted it. However, I finally have made the move to sell my tuba and euphonium because I just don't see me doing more of that in the future. And I've recently sold my professional library of over 400 books that I'd acquired, worked with, and lived with for over 50 years through half a dozen jobs -- and I have no regrets and don't expect to. (Well, it's true that I kept a couple dozen of them just for "old times sake". But they serve as decorations and memorabilia. )

Even if I hang up playing, I would probably never sell my euph. First, it’s my favorite horn to play. Second, it was a birthday/Christmas/Father’s Day gift from my mother, wife, and kids. That horn means a lot to me. Trumpet playing grandson has played it some, I’ll probably leave it to him.

If I’m homeless and hungry, it may go up,for sale…

Playing keeps you healthy, both mentally and physically. Never stop.

This Yes!!!

Doug Elliott wrote: ↑Mon Jul 15, 2024 10:35 am Playing keeps you healthy, both mentally and physically. Never stop.

Certainly has worked for this old-timer!

Doug Elliott wrote: ↑Mon Jul 15, 2024 10:35 am Playing keeps you healthy, both mentally and physically. Never stop.

Totally agree with keeping you healthy, and may I also add young! (I’m thinking renovating the old farmhouse and keeping livestock also helps.) I’m the oldest member in the group, former bass player is my age but between work and his paying, traveling band job he no longer plays with us. The rest of the group is 40 and under, down to a very talented 14 or 15 year old that plays keys and guitar, along with singing. He has led the group on occasion, I’m looking for that boy to go far. Hanging around the younger generations helps me stay young too.


I’m often mistaken for an adult due to my age!

Well someone has to say this... just trying to be helpful.
Loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed can be a sign of depression.
You mentioned multiple activities you have dropped, not just trombone.

That said, I was heavily into amateur auto racing at one point, "ham" radio at another poiint, and heavily into Civil Air Patrol at another. But I think each time some new activity had ramped up and I just wasn't getting a bang out of the old activity any more.

blap73 wrote: ↑Mon Jul 15, 2024 6:45 pm Well someone has to say this... just trying to be helpful.
Loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed can be a sign of depression.
You mentioned multiple activities you have dropped, not just trombone.

Glad you said it. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and the meds are working well. This was long after the car and sailing hobbies went by the wayside. Sometimes, though, it is just time to move on and mental health has nothing to do with it. I have a part time job I really enjoy.

I think it was Slide Hampton, at a clinic I attended (IN THE 80’s), who dispensed this bit of wisdom: No is the most powerful word in the English language.

He explained that it was important to develop the strength to say no to that solo you may not be ready for at that moment or that gig that you can’t prepare for or otherwise play serviceably.

In the case of just not feeling up for or comfortable with the commitment of playing regularly what that meant for me was saying no to regular rehearsals and telling a few people I wouldn’t be accepting anything as a sub for a while.

The break did me good and let my domestic life settle, so I’m back in to the local scene a little this summer and feel like practicing.

Music is something that really can be put down and picked up many times. I wouldn’t make a drastic, irrevocable break. Keep a few of your favourite horns and say no for a little while. A trial separation…

OTOH, I was recently struck by this quote of writer Paul Coelho:

Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.


—

Maybe it’s time?

(I’d still keep my favourite horn).